


Code Pink

by diefleder_tey



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-26
Updated: 2011-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-26 14:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diefleder_tey/pseuds/diefleder_tey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's an escaped animal at the J&A Zoo and it's up to Aiba and Yoko to recapture it quickly before it...wait, no, that's not right...it's up to Aiba and Yoko to stay put exactly where they are and not get involved.  Well, surely they'll do what they were told and not get into any trouble...right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Code Pink

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greatfountain](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=greatfountain).



> Written for greatfountain for 2011's [**je_justfriends**](http://je-justfriends.livejournal.com).

  
_"19 to all staff, I repeat, 19 to all staff. Possible Code Yellow near the entrance."_

Aiba took the walkie talkie off of his belt and flipped it over to look at the tiny cheat sheet he had taped to the battery. He knew what Code Red was - everyone at the zoo knew what Code Red was. The other colors were another matter. There was one for a weather threat and one for a human threat and one for a guest injury and one for other emergencies and three for animal escapes. "Code Yellow," he had scrawled on the tiny cheat sheet, "Animal, kind of bad."

 _"19 to 37."_

 _"Go ahead."_

 _"What's your 20?"_

 _"Clinic. We're loading up the van right now. Meet you at the front gate."_

Code Yellow: it wasn't a loose bear - a definite Code Red - but it wasn't a Code Blue like a parakeet either. Whatever had gotten out was fairly manageable but could still hurt a guest. Aiba turned his attention back to the pile of hay bales. As a junior keeper, he wasn't allowed to participate in the recapture - and as a junior keeper back in the very off-exhibit Black Rhino barn, he wouldn't have time to get there anyway. Their head of Animal Care, a tall beast of man named Nagase, and their head vet, a tall man of a different beastly nature named Matsuoka, and more often called Mabo, would have everything done and squared away by the time he got halfway there.

 _"Tomo-kun, do you have the snare pole in your truck?"_

Static came back over the radio.

 _"Nagase?"_

 _"You're supposed to use our assigned numbers."_

 _"...37 to 19, happy?"_

 _"Much better!"_

 _"Answer the question."_

 _"I don't know actually..."_

Besides, Aiba's supervisor, Higashiyama - legendary Head of Rhinos and 3 time winner of the town's amateur Dance-a-thon - had been in a planning meeting all morning. If he came back to a barn full of rhinos, unstacked hay bales, and no Aiba....

The thought made him speed up as he picked up another square and hauled it to the end of the barn, sweat starting to trickle down his face in the stale heat.

 _"Sho to 19, I just finished giving a tour and I'm near the entrance if you need an extra hand."_

 _"19 to all staff. Only Animal Care and Animal Health are to use the radios during a Code - everyone else keep off of the airwaves, please."_

 _"Sho to 19, is that a yes, then?"_

 _"Get off of the damn radio, Sho."_

Aiba couldn't help but snicker; the only person less welcome in an emergency than a junior keeper was a tour guide.

"We should go."

Aiba looked up at the top of the stack of hay bales where Yokoyama was peering over the edge, fanning himself with a dustpan. Yoko was not a junior rhino keeper. Yoko was barely employed by the zoo. His technical title was "Relief Keeper," which meant he was supposed to help wherever he was needed - but it usually resulted in him hanging out with his friends since almost every employee at the J&A Zoo was a notorious, near-invincible workhorse. Yoko's favorite hang out was with Aiba in the rhino barn - it was shady, it was far away from everyone else and, most importantly, Aiba never made him do anything.

 _"19 to 37, I'm here. Let's get that-"_

Aiba turned the volume knob on his walkie talkie all the way down to silence it. "Okay, let me finish stacking first."

Yoko clicked his tongue. "It'll be over by then, you're trying to stall."

Aiba glanced away. "No, no, I just need to...," he trailed off, distracted by the memory of the last time he and Yoko decided to give into the urge for mischief at work - they were both suspended for a week for using the macaque's pool as a hot tub. It was a punishment he didn't want to repeat. The hot tub itself, however.... He tried to fight the smile spreading on his face from the thought, resulting in a strange scrunched up expression. Cold beer in a hot tub with monkeys was one of life's greatest joys - and the macaques hadn't been bothered by it in the least.

He shook his head. He was already sweating too much to entertain that particular flashback. "I have to finish stacking."

Yoko stuck out his lower lip and narrowed his eyes, his standard response to being mischief-blocked. "Fine, it's too hot to leave anyway." He almost gave up out of sheer boredom, ready to jump down and help Aiba finish, when he glanced out of the end of the barn at the field pens. "Uume's gate's open."

"What?"

Yoko pointed at it. "His gate's open again."

Hay could wait. Aiba tossed the bale he had in his hands and jogged out of the barn. Yoko hopped off of the pile and caught up. It was open, though not by much - just enough for either of them to squeeze through. It wouldn't have taken a lot of force, though, for Uume, one of the male rhinos, to push it and give himself free reign of the area - something that they both knew he was very keen on.

Aiba picked up the chain that was supposed to hold the gate in place - the lock was broken and the gate itself was slanted toward him. Even when they pushed it back, it wouldn't sit flush to the fence. "He's been leaning on it again."

The first time Aiba came to work and found one of his males trying in vain to have sex with one of the females through the fence, he couldn't help but watch and giggle. It was funny for the second, third and even fourth times. By the sixteenth time and second broken gate, even Aiba's empathy for Uume's needs had waned. The rhinos each had their own field pens for a reason: to keep them nice and separated in order to prevent unauthorized breeding. Uume was having none of it.

"He broke the lock," Yoko exclaimed, "but he's just sleeping! You could have gotten out!" he shouted at the rhino.

Over in the far corner, Uume lay in a heap, snoring away, his ears not even twitching at Yoko's rant.

"Who breaks open a door and then decides to stay in the cage? You're the worst rhino ever! You deserve to be co-"

Aiba gently elbowed him in the stomach and put his finger to his mouth to motion for silence. "Don't wake him up," he whispered. "He can't figure out the gate's broken while he's asleep."

Yoko turned to look at him, putting his hand over his eyes to block out the sun. "If he didn't figure it out when he broke it in the first place...," he whispered back.

"Let's fix it before he gets up." He grabbed the chain and, with his tongue poking out in concentration, very slowly and carefully wrapped it around the gate and fence.

Yoko shrugged, only too happy to get out of the sun and go back into the slightly cooler barn. While Aiba continued the delicate procedure, he went straight for the supply closet and noisily rummaged through the spare equipment. Three brooms, a scrub brush, buckets, a hose, more duct tape than was normal, a hammer, and a kid's bicycle helmet for whatever reason. But no lock.

Aiba had finished and joined him just about the time he found the hammer. "You don't have any locks," Yoko told him.

"I'll radio maintenance and have them drop one off." He pulled his walkie talkie off of his belt again, about to press the buttons on the side and ask, when he realized that his volume was still turned down.

 _"-o, it's gone already, I couldn't get a good sh-"_

Aiba frowned as he turned it down again and set it on the counter. So much for that idea.

"Guess we're going to them," Yoko commented.

Aiba nodded, walking out of the barn. Hopefully Uume wouldn't wake up before they got back....

"Your truck has air conditioning, right?"

He stopped short. "Higashiyama has it." Each department only got one vehicle - the lucky ones got trucks...tiny trucks. Small little 3 speed manual transmission heaps that somehow lasted longer than they had any right to. The less lucky departments had to deal with golf carts that were in even worse shape. "What about yours?"

Yokoyama's face reddened as he looked away. _Oh yeah,_ Aiba remembered. They wouldn't let Yoko have one anymore after he lost the keys to his cart for the seventh time. He had hitched a ride that morning with one of the tour guides.

Doom and gloom and the mid-morning bright sun settled on their faces. "We can't walk to maintenance..."

"It's at the other end of the zoo," Aiba finished. "I got it! Carnivores has one!"

"That still requires walking," Yoko replied in a grumbled whine.

"We'll just borrow theirs, get the lock and have it fixed before Higashiyama comes back for lunch! Let's go!"

Like every zoo, the J&A had a good number of off-exhibit facilities tucked away in the furthest corners of the property. That way, guests couldn't wander into the offices or the commissary - or worse yet, the clinic. And it guaranteed that animals that needed space and quiet weren't inundated with screaming children all day. The Black Rhinos were as far out as they could get. One day, when the money was available, some would be moved into the main part of the zoo - but for now, Aiba and Yoko had to trudge up a dirt road with only bushes and a giant fence to look at just to find another human being.

"It's hot," Yoko commented again, wiping his forehead.

Halfway between the barn and the main road were the extra Carnivore holding pens, mostly for retired or recovering animals. Aiba squinted to see a truck out front, parked under the shade of a few trees. "There we go," he said, patting Yoko on the shoulder and quickening his pace. Within minutes, they were both standing next to it looking through the window.

"They left the keys in the ignition," Yoko commented.

"I'm sure they won't mind...," Aiba started.

"What do you two want?"

Aiba covered his trepidation with a giant smile and laughter as he turned around. "Koki! We just need to borrow your truck to go to maintenance and get a lock because Uume broke the one on his pen and Higashiyama has mine so we'll be right bac-"

Koki hit the ground with the shovel he had in his hand. "Touch it and die."

More nervous laughter as they walked away from the vehicle. "But we need to get to maintenance."

"Then walk," he insisted. "The last time you borrowed my truck you used all the gas and I got stranded at the Petting Zoo. After school let out on half price day."

"That's really irresponsible," Yoko piped up, disapproving tone.

"And you lost my keys the last time!"

Yoko looked away, pretending not to hear anything.

"What's going on?" Junno asked, jogging up behind him. He and Koki were considered junior keepers in the overall Carnivore department, but had been given the responsibility of the off-exhibit pens. If neither were willing to loan out the truck, it was staying put. Unlike Koki, Junno had his radio on and turned up.

 _"19 to 37, got word that it's back at Herps."_

 _"Okay, be there in a bit - we have a minor incident here."_

 _"Incident?"_

 _"My vet tech fainted while we were waiting by the tigers."_

 _"...Massu should really consider finding a new career."_

"They want to borrow the truck," Koki explained.

Junno smiled, so much his eyes closed, as he shut the radio off. "Last time Aiba borrowed it I got stranded at the warthog exhibit. After lunch."

Aiba cringed. "This isn't working," he whispered to the side.

"Don't worry," Yoko replied. "I'll take care of this."

"So absolutely not!" Koki continued. "Besides, we need it. What if one of the animals attacks - we need the truck to get emergency help."

Yoko scoffed. "Your animals eat small lizards."

"They're still carnivores," Koki insisted. "More dangerous than overgrown cows - cows don't try to eat you." He folded his arms and shifted his weight. The sun reflected off of his shoulders, left uncovered by his tank top. He had tattoos of every animal in their group somewhere on his body. Peeking out over the right shoulder was a ferocious red panda decapitating a man; truly, he risked life and limb taking fruit into their cages every day.

"No, no, no," Aiba replied. "Have you ever been charged by a rhino?"

"Have you ever been mauled by a meerkat?" he shot back.

"Has anyone ever been mauled by a meerkat?" Yoko deadpanned. "Hey, what's that thing you guys have with the long nose and the tail?"

Junno and Koki looked at each other. "The coatimundi?" Junno asked.

"Yeah, that thing," Yoko said, pointing behind them. "It just got its head stuck in the fence."

"Nice try, I'm not falling for that," Koki replied.

"Ah he's right," Junno said, looking back. "She is stuck in the fence."

"Buttons!" Koki let out, dropping the shovel as he whirled around to face the pen. "Not again!"

"Aiba, run!" Yoko yelled. The two bolted for the truck, Yoko jumping in first and getting shoved over by Aiba as he slid into the driver's seat. "Go go go!" Yoko yelled.

"Yoko! Aiba!" Koki called after them.

Aiba started the truck, threw it into reverse and peeled out of their lot as fast as he could.

"He's gaining on us, go faster, Aiba!" Yoko yelled, slapping his hand on the dashboard, turning his head back and forth between his friend and looking out the back window. Behind them, Koki was running with everything he had. "Go faster!"

"It only goes 25!" Aiba yelled back.

After a minute, Koki gave up and threw a few choice words in their direction. He solemnly walked back to where Junno was still standing with a wide smile on his face.

"Cheer up," Junno said. "I broke the handle on my window this morning." He patted Koki's shoulder. "Let's get the soapy water and get Buttons out, hm?"

Back in the truck, Yoko and Aiba had hit pavement. They were on the actual zoo roads, only a ten minute drive from their destination. "Great plan!" Aiba laughed.

Yoko look less than thrilled. "Turn on the AC."

"Okay," Aiba said, punching a button, wiping the sweat from his brow. Nothing but hot air. Not too much of a shocker - only the nicest trucks had air conditioning and those went to the most important keepers. "I'll roll down the win- ah."

"What?"

"I forgot, the window doesn't roll down on this side - it's been jammed for a couple of years."

"I'll roll mine down," Yoko said, reaching for the handle on his side - only to find the remains of broken plastic. "What the...." He tried grabbing what was left and forcing it to turn. The window barely cracked - enough for Yoko to tell that it had moved but not enough to do any good. The sweat started to collect on his brow again. "They totally did this on purpose! They knew we wouldn't have a truck today and they rigged the- Aiba, where are you going?"

"Maintenance."

Yoko furrowed his eyebrows, which caused a droplet of sweat to roll right into his eye. "This is the long way."

"I can't go through the middle," he explained.

Yoko glared for a minute. "Yes you can, you just don't want to drive by the kangaroos!"

Aiba's eye twitched. "No, no, we have to go this way, they said the Code Yellow was at the Reptile House, right? We drive right through and we'll get in trouble again. We have to go the long way."

Yoko sighed and started fanning himself with his hands.

"Maybe it's something from the Reptile House," Aiba ventured, changing the subject.

"Huh?"

"The Code Yellow."

Yoko gave a slightly irritated sneer as he started to undo the buttons of his shirt and flap the sides back and forth to generate air. "All Tsuyoshi does is stare at the fish tank - the snakes probably get out every day." His eyes widened. "What if it's one of the snakes?"

"That'd probably be a Code Red, right?" Aiba answered.

"Yeah, right."

Silence - or the closest thing to it with the constant whirring of the ancient truck engine and the ruffling of Yoko's shirt. Finally, Aiba spoke up again, coughing from the heat. "Yoko?"

"What?"

"...do you think it's a kangaroo?"

"It's not a kangaroo!" Yoko yelled back. "Pull over, pull over, we'll just walk down to maintenance."

Aiba obediently did so, hopping out and leaving the keys in the ignition and the door open. Getting out of the truck felt like stepping into a freezer, a gentle breeze kicking in making it easier to breathe again. He couldn't help but let out a noise of satisfaction as he sucked up the air - air tainted with the smell of gasoline and machinery instead of gasoline, machinery and the sweat of two grown boys.

Yoko echoed his sentiment on the other side. "It feels so good!"

"It must be thirty degrees cooler out here!"

"Why didn't we just walk the whole way? This is great!"

"This is amazing!"

"This is...." Yoko put his arms down. "Still hot." The breeze ended, the sun was out in full force again. "Crap."

"Let's get to the office."

Down another gravel road sat the main building of maintenance, a medium sized shack stocked with three fans so that the mechanics had somewhere to eat lunch. The door was cracked open and they could hear the portable TV they kept at the desk on inside. "It's Thursday, right?" Yoko asked.

Aiba had to think. He'd known when he started that morning that it was, but somehow along the way the ability to remember things like date and time had melted out of his ears and down the back of his neck, along with about a liter's worth of sweat. He nodded.

"Good," Yoko said, pushing open the door. "Hey Dokkun, we need a spare lock for the rhino pen." He stopped, partially blocking Aiba by accident. "Why are you in your underwear?"

Nishikido Ryo sat in just his tank top and boxers, legs up on the desk and lunch - rice, of course - in his hands and partially in his mouth. He sniffed at the inquiry. "It's hot," he said, as if Yoko had just asked the world's stupidest question.

Yoko turned his head to glance back at Aiba, meeting his eyes. There was a very good reason maintenance was as "off-exhibit" and as far away from the public as possible. And yet...it _was_ hot....

"Close the door, you're letting the sun in," Ryo barked. He leaned over and switched off the TV. They could barely hear the new report coming in on Ryo's radio over the sound of the fans:

 _"-Primates, how fast can you get there?"_

 _"Two minut-"_

Ryo switched that off too. "Another lock? Uume after Matiti again?"

Aiba had to choke down a giggle, one that had nothing to do with the budding heat based delirium. Next to him, Yoko bit down on his lip.

"What?" Ryo asked, wiping his mouth. "Why do you always do that?"

"Nothing," Aiba said through a clenched jaw.

Ryo glared at both of them. "Matiti."

Yoko grabbed Aiba's shirt and squeezed, trying to keep a straight face - only to end up cackling anyway.

"You've both been out in the sun too long."

"Say it one more time," Yoko asked.

"No," Ryo protested. "There's a couple of locks in the storeroom, just make sure you sign it out."

Yoko's expression fell into a full glare almost instantaneously. "We have to go into the storeroom?"

"You're the ones who want the lock," he answered, shoving more rice into his mouth.

"But...," Yoko started, "the storeroom's miserable."

"Yeah, it is."

"Wait, how about a compromise?" Aiba suggested. "If you say Matiti one more time, we'll go get the lock ourselves."

Ryo stared at him for a minute. "You came to me, so, no, and you go get it!"

"Worst service ever," Yoko muttered. He turned around to usher Aiba out of the office, adding, "Hey, did they ever find the rest of that shipment of mealworms that got misplaced the other day?" He raised his eyebrows a few times and mouthed what he wanted the answer to be.

Aiba caught the signal. "No."

"Oh," Yoko said, sticking his foot out of the office, prolonging the step as much as he could. He raised his voice. "That sucks, I'm tired of finding them in my car every day."

Ryo set down his lunch with an audible thump.

"Apparently they've been crawling into all of the cars in the parking lot looking for food," Yoko finished, leaving the door wide open.

"Wait, wait a minute," Ryo called after them, getting up from his chair and grabbing onto the door frame. "Not really, right? You're kidding, right?"

Yoko stuck his bottom lip out and shrugged. "Well, you're out here, so I doubt you'll see any. Just be careful when you go to the lot to go home tonight."

"They love rice," Aiba offered with a smile.

Ryo started scratching at his arm, visibly squirming. "Not really, though? Right? Right? Yokoyama...come on."

"It's such a pain when they get on your head," Yoko continued. "They start crawling around and you can feel them moving the hair but when you go to pick them out they just squish between your fin-"

"Fine!" Ryo announced, walking past both of them. Within a minute, he was in and out of the storeroom, shoving a clipboard at Aiba. "You still have to sign it out."

"No problem," Aiba beamed, scribbling a quick signature.

Ryo took the clipboard back but held the lock up in his hand. "That was a joke, right? There's no missing shipment of mealworms?"

Not even the heat and sun could beat the smug satisfied smile off of Yokoyama's face.

"I hate you," Ryo muttered, tossing Aiba the lock.

He caught it and put it in the lowest pocket on the right leg of his cargo pants, velcroing it shut as tight as he could. "Thanks!" he said.

"Now," Yoko commanded, crossing his arms. "Say Matiti."

"Fuck you, Yoko," Ryo said, walking back into the office and closing the door behind him.

"Come on," Aiba said cheerfully. "Let's go fix the gate before Higashiyama gets back."

Yoko glared at the closed office door. "He didn't say it."

"Can't win them all, right?" Aiba offered with a chuckle.

Yoko turned to look at his friend, the spurned feeling still very apparent in the stuck out lip and barely open eyes. "Yes I can." He rubbed his sleeve against his forehead and the cloth came back drenched.

"Next time, right?"

Yoko nodded in a slight daze. "Next time," he agreed.

When they reached the truck, it was obvious that leaving the doors open hadn't cooled down the air inside at all. Aiba put one hand in to grab the wheel and pull himself in, but had to immediately jump back and shake out his arm. There was no way he would be able to hold the leather steering wheel without seriously injuring himself. He twisted his mouth up in thought before exclaiming and unbuttoning his shirt.

"It's worse than before," Yoko complained from the other side. He leaned to look over the hood to get Aiba's agreement, but instead saw him taking his shirt off, ripping the last button in the process for the sake of speed. Yoko shrugged. He took off his own, wadded it into a ball and threw it onto the floor of the truck next to his seat.

"There we go," Aiba said, putting his shirt on the steering wheel - an impromptu oven mitt. He hopped in, slammed the door and turned to his companion in order to show off his genius idea. Instead, he ended up asking, "...why did you take your shirt off?"

Yoko stalled. "The handle...it's too hot to pull the do- it doesn't matter, they've locked down the zoo and no one's going to see!" He started to work the buckle on his belt and the zipper on his fly as Aiba started the ignition and moved the stick into reverse. He shimmied his pants down to his ankles, annoyed that he had forgotten to take his boots off first. Pretty soon he was in nothing more than his tank top and boxers, with a look that said he was threatening to go further. "Dokkun had the right idea!"

A few minutes into the drive, Aiba's eyes started to grow heavy and his arms weak. His tank top was completely soaked through and he just wanted to slide down in his seat - even driving took entirely too much effort at that point. He was pretty sure he could smell his skin tanning. And his underpants? Those were getting burned later....

And that's when he saw it, breaking him out of his thoughts completely.

Standing in the road, waiting for him was his worst nightmare - its evil eyes glimmering in the light from the asphalt. It was bouncing in readiness, like a character in a fighting video game. It stood up straight. Its nose twitched. It lifted a paw, magically unfurling a furry finger, and pointed right at Aiba. It mouthed something - a threat. A very unmistakable threat. Aiba was going down so hard, his family would still be feeling it seven generations later.

"Kangaroo!" he yelled, slamming on the brake without hitting the clutch to downshift first. The truck skidded to a halt and the engine stalled out. He pointed at the road in panic. "Kangaroo!"

Yoko grumpily looked at the road for any sign of the rogue marsupial. "There's nothing there!" he said before he was sure - he had to mop his hair back as his bangs were dripping too much sweat into his eyes to see properly.

"It was there! It must be what escaped!"

"There's no kangaroo," Yoko muttered. "Why would a kangaroo be in the Primate House?"

"Primates?" Aiba thought for a minute. He had heard that word earlier, on Ryo's radio. "Oh yeah. We're really far from there."

"Right? That's probably what it is - some guest saw Yasu and Hina walk out of Primates and reported two escaped monkeys." He paused. "We should go watch them get tranquilized...."

"I don't think that's it," Aiba said. "Why would Yasu and Hina be in the reptile section?"

"Why would a kangaroo be in the reptile section?"

Touche.

"I'm dying," Yoko said. "Where are we?"

"At the end of the Americas area."

Yoko's face lit up and he tried to get out of the truck so fast that he pushed the door before pulling the handle, smacking face first into it.

"What are you-"

Freedom. Yoko burst from the truck, looked around wildly for a moment before finding the path he needed. "That means we're near...."

"Yoko?" Aiba said, jumping out and jogging - well, jogging at the slowest rate possible anyway - down the path after him.

Yoko was cackling madly and grabbed Aiba by the shoulders when the other caught up. He smiled widely and there was possibly even a tear in his eye.

Aiba didn't get it.

Yoko pointed at the big sign in front of them.

 _Capybara Pool._

More cackling.

"No, no, no," Aiba started. "We can't get in another animal pool." He braced himself for the counterargument he knew was coming - the zoo was still in lock down, the Code Yellow animal was at the other end, no one could possibly catch them except the Capybara Keeper and Yoko had enough dirt on him for a thousand illegal dips. He started to scratch his head. What had they threatened to do to him last time if he broke the rules again? But this was completely different - especially if they explained that they had come to see if there was a spare lock in the nearest area and accidentally tripped over a wayward hose and _landed_ in the pool...without shirts...and stayed for a while. "Well," he finally said, "if we just swim for five minutes...."

Yoko punched him in the arm. "We'll be fired. I meant, the ice cream vending machine is over here. Quick, give me some money."

"Use your own money!"

"My pants are still in the truck!"

Aiba started checking his pockets: the lock, the keys to the barn, some spare treats to throw out at a few of the animals as he drove around each day. He shook his head and shrugged. "I don't have any. You could try shoving in one of these," he offered, holding out a treat.

Yoko narrowed his eyes. "Maru...."

They found the Capybara Keeper standing by the railing, leaning over, singing to the giant rodents as they splashed around in the miniature waterfall and rock pool. One was happily getting a shower, its eyes closed in a squint, when it glanced over and saw Yoko and Aiba coming its way. It let out a shriek and scattered, causing the others to do the same.

"Yuuchin," Maru said, putting up his hands and walking toward them to prevent Yoko from getting any closer. "Please, they've just recovered from last time."

"Money," Yoko choked out, his voice cracking. He held out his hand. "Change."

"You won't get in the pool?" Maru asked warily, pulling money out of his pocket.

Aiba glared at Yoko - so, going into pools without him, huh?

The smile and cackling came back as Yoko grabbed Maru around the neck and kissed his forehead. "Not today!" He turned around and ran to the ice cream vending machine, ogling the choices before him. It didn't really matter, as long as he could - he glanced down and realized how much Maru had given him - as long as he could buy two, one to put in his mouth and one to rub all over his face.

"Ooh, there's a mystery flavor one," Aiba cheered next to him.

 _Oh, right._ Yoko forgot he had to share. Surely Aiba would be agreeable to smearing half of his on his face, too. He decided he'd broach the topic after they had the ice cream in hand and put the money in the machine. He punched the first button.

 _Sold Out._

"Oh," he said, punching the next.

 _Sold Out._

"What the-"

 _Sold Out._

Yoko punched all the buttons, jamming the last one several times rapidly.

 _Sold Out._

"Oh, is that what you wanted it for?" Maru said coming up behind him. "It's all sold out, they haven't come back to restock it yet."

Yoko whipped around with death in his eyes. "Maru...are the corners of your mouth orange?"

"Hm?" he said, wiping his mouth quickly with his hand.

" _Popsicle_ orange?" Aiba added.

"It's hot," Maru answered uselessly.

"You ate the last one? That's it," Yoko announced. "I'm getting in the Capybara pool."

"No, Yuuchin, really, you make them nervous when you do that."

"How many times do you come over here without me?" Aiba asked.

"Move aside, Maru," Yoko warned. "I'm getting in that pool."

"Why are you in your underwear?"

Yoko stopped. "What?"

"Why are you in your underwear?" Maru repeated. "Are you okay? You two don't look too well."

Yoko started to blush furiously as he defensively spat out an answer. "It's hot, okay? Clothes are hot! Why are _you_ wearing clothes?"

Maru nodded, starting to unbutton his shirt too in obedience.

 _"Nakamaru to 37,"_ Maru's radio called out, interrupting them. They exchanged glances and made a silent truce - Nakamaru only used his walkie talkie in important situations.

 _"Go ahead."_

 _"Mabo, I heard your vet tech was down, is he okay?"_

 _"Hardly."_

 _"Why didn't you radio me about that - do I need to call emergency services?"_

 _"I mean, he's afraid of almost every animal we own and he hates blood and dirt and he's our vet tech. I'd diagnose that as a severe psychosis."_

There was an audible sigh on Nakamaru's end at the joke. _"Does he need to fill out an incident report?"_

Nagase joined in on the conversation. _"No - no forms, no need for forms."_

 _"You have to fill out a form for the Code Yellow too, you know."_

 _"Ffffu-"_

 _"How's that going, by the way?"_

 _"We're working on it!"_

 _"Koichi, are you listening?"_

No answer.

Nakamaru tried again. _"HR to Front Gate. HR to Front Gate...Koichi? If you're listening, start giving the guests refunds, we can't keep them here any longer."_

After a pause, Mabo came on again. _"Does he have to fill out a form for that?"_

 _"Three, actually."_

Yoko, Aiba and Maru all cringed. Koichi wasn't going to be happy at having to do either. He'd have to give out discount vouchers for Tsubasa's Cafe & Gift Shop just to make up for all of the grumbling about what a pain in the ass it was that would most likely accompany each guest's refund.

"We better get back," Aiba commented. If Nakamaru found out about the broken gate....

"At least it's cooler in the rhino barn," Yoko agreed.

The two started up the path back to the truck they had left in the middle of the road. They didn't get far. In the distance, they saw a figure climbing into the driver's side, working on the ignition until the engine started up.

"Hey!" Aiba called out. At first he thought Koki had finally caught up with them. Then he realized it was much worse than that.

"Hey," Sho called down, waving a friendly greeting. "I'm going to borrow your truck for a minute - they're starting to give refunds at the front gate and someone needs to go talk to the guests and explain the situation. I'll bring it right back!" He slammed the door and puttered off before either Yoko or Aiba could make it back to the road.

"Sakurai," Yoko muttered, clenching his fists.

"He's stealing our stolen truck!" Aiba exclaimed.

"Remind me to get him back for this," Yoko said. "Lock him in a room and not let him out until he answers stupid questions and dances like a monkey while I film it, or something."

Aiba looked over at his friend - Yoko's revenge list was getting awfully long...and creative. "Let's see if we can borrow Maru's?"

Yoko shook his head. "He doesn't have one - they won't let him drive. Too dangerous for the animals."

They sighed in tandem. Walking it was.

"Hey," Yoko said. "The Code Yellow was around the entrance, right? And it's been running around all day and nobody can get Koichi. He brought Pan-chan to work today, didn't he?"

Aiba started giggling at the idea that Nagase was racing about the entire zoo with his tranquilizer gun trying to recapture Koichi's long-haired chihuahua that he sometimes, to the chagrin of much of the staff, insisted on bringing with him to make days at the front entrance more bearable.

"At least it's cooler out here than in the truck," Yoko said. He pulled his tank top up, grabbing the bottom and peeling it off inside out until he got it to the top of his head, where he tied off the ends to create a makeshift towel to soak up the sweat.

"Hang on, hang on," Aiba said, sitting down in the road and pulling his boots off. He undid his belt and slid out of his pants, putting the shoes back on. When he stood up, he started walking down the road again. As he and Yoko trudged toward the dirt path that lead to the off-exhibit areas, he slung his pants up, put the waistband around his head, the legs dangling behind him, and tightened the belt. It was more cumbersome than Yoko's solution, but just as effective. Plus, it was just entirely too hot to wear pants on his legs anymore. And secretly, he suspected it was quite stylish; he made a mental note in his over-cooked brain to start a new trend amongst the staff.

"It's miserable," Yoko muttered as they got closer to the Carnivore section.

"Too miserable."

"No ice cream."

"No water."

"No Capybar-" Yoko stopped suddenly and pointed to their right. "Aiba - run!"

Aiba looked to see what Yoko was talking about. The lock was still in the bottom pocket of his cargo pants and as Aiba turned his head to the side quickly, the legs followed suit, turning his pants into a weapon as the weight swung with some force right into Yoko's head. "Ow!"

"What is it?" Aiba asked. "The kangaroo?"

"Worse, it's Koki - run!"

A renewed energy filled both of them as they set down the road as fast as they could both go, bypassing the angry guttural rolls of Koki's calls. "Hey!" he shouted. "Hey! Where's my truck?"

"Sho has it," Aiba called back.

"What?! I'm going to kill you! Where the hell are your pants, Yokoyama?"

"Aiba, keep running," Yoko replied between huffs.

When they got back to the rhino barn, they collapsed in a heap by the hay, content to lie in the shade until they both got their breath back. "Good," Aiba commented, "Higashiyama's still in the meeting."

"Good," Yoko agreed. "You fix the gate, I'm going back to sleep."

Aiba gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up and sprang back to his feet - as if he hadn't been running or out in the hot sun at all. As he jogged out the other end to the field pens, Yoko started to wonder just where exactly Aiba stored his never ending supply of energy, but quickly decided that it didn't matter because tapping into it would only result in more time doing manual labor out in the sun.

"Uume's awake," Aiba announced, jogging back in, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"Uume's up and walking around," he said, heading to the feed closet and pulling out an apple. "He'll charge if he sees me in the walkway, so you'll have to distract him. Just tell him 'back, back' and then give him apple slices."

"Your rhino knows 'back, back?'"

"Ah," Aiba said suddenly. "If he moves close to the fence, make sure your hand's not between him and the metal or you'll get caught and he'll crush it."

"Give me the lock," Yoko demanded.

"Sure, why?"

"I'm not getting my hand crushed - you feed him the apple and I'll fix the gate."

"Okay," Aiba said, handing over the lock. "If he sees you and starts charging, jump-"

"Give me the apple."

Aiba waited in the barn until he saw Yoko on the other side of the pen - the side with solid metal fencing - calling Uume over and waving apple bits around. The rhino didn't take long to respond, trotting up to the side and poking around with its upper lip. Yoko told him, "Back, back," and Uume backed up, willing to waste time for treats.

With the rhino fully distracted, Aiba hurried to the gate, pulling up the chain to reposition it. He reached down to his leg to grab the lock - nothing. "That's right," he said, reaching behind his head to grab the right pant leg.

"Aiba!"

He pulled it over his shoulder and undid the velcro, taking the lock out. He was about to close it around the links when his head jerked back - the other pant leg catching on a jagged piece of metal on the gate.

"Aiba! Aiba!"

He looked up. Uume had lost interest in Yoko and was starting to trot his way. Aiba tugged on the pant leg to no avail. He couldn't jump up on the fence with it snagged.

"Aiba, take your pants off!" Yoko shouted across the field.

Aiba blinked, bleary eyed and exhausted. Well, it wasn't the weirdest thing he had done at J&A. He shoved his thumbs into the elastic band of his underwear and pulled out to pull them down.

"No!" Yoko yelled. "Your other pants! Your head pants!"

 _Oh_. Uume had moved from trot and was about to start a full on charge. Aiba yanked the belt buckle open, freeing his head from his pants. He pulled them off, ran and jumped up on the fencing away from the gate, just in time for Uume to lower his head and crash in, forcing an opening wide enough for him to walk through.

"This is bad," Aiba commented.

Yoko was waving wildly on the other side, pointing at something. Aiba looked - Matiti had walked out of the barn and into her field pen on the other side. There'd be no getting Uume back into his.

He waved back at Yoko. "Call Nagase!" he said, sticking his pinkie and index fingers out and putting them up to his ear to signal a phone.

Yoko put his hands up and turned around, pointing to the lack of radio on his belt. As a relief keeper, he wasn't really allowed to have one.

Aiba pointed to the barn.

"Got it," Yoko said, nodding and jogging back in. He found Aiba's radio where they had left it on the counter and turned up the volume to make a call. "Yoko to 19."

A pause.

 _"19 to all staff - I'm only going to say this one more time. All non-essential personnel, please stay off the radios until the Code Yellow is over. The next person to make a peep on their walkie talkie will be cleaning up after the Elephants for a week...alone."_

Yoko dropped the radio. To hell with that.

He ran back outside and waved at Aiba.

"Did you get him?" Aiba called.

"...your battery was dead!"

"This is really bad," Aiba said to himself. Not having the hay stacked was one thing. Letting their most aggressive male rhino roam free was another all together. He wouldn't have time to worry about getting fired because Higashiyama would kill him first.

"Maybe we can call him back in with an apple?" Yoko yelled.

"He won't leave as long as Matiti-" Aiba stopped. "Yoko! Yoko! Matiti!"

"Now's really not the time to laugh at her name," Yoko complained.

"I've got an idea! The only thing Uume likes more than apples is Matiti, right? So what if we open Matiti's gate?"

"We'll have two loose rhinos instead of one?"

"Go to the other side of her pen and distract her with the apple!"

Yoko shrugged and then started jogging the long way around the field pens. It didn't take much to distract Matiti - she wasn't nearly as interested in Uume as he was in her. As Matiti ambled away toward Yoko's apple, Uume paced the fence line.

Aiba scooched along the fence until he got to the open gate and reached down to grab his captive pants - he took the keys out of his pocket and bit down on the ring to hold them in his mouth. He swung his legs around and put them on the middle bar of the fencing. He braced himself, lifted his butt off of the top bar and pushed - jumping across the walkway to the fencing on Matiti's pen.

...at least that was the plan, but Aiba ended up landing in the middle of the corridor with a heavy thump. Before he could check to see if Uume had noticed, he scrambled, grabbed the fence and hauled himself up to safety.

The gate on that side was considerably further down, so Aiba started to scoot along the fence bar, little by little - tiny hop by tiny hop. When he reached it, he swung his leg around to straddle the bar so he could lean down and open the lock. The chain came off easily and Aiba jumped from the fence to the gate, using the weight of his body to swing it open, occasionally pushing off of the ground like a kid riding a skateboard.

It didn't take Uume long to notice. The male rhino trotted down the line, went through the gate and went straight for his girl. Yoko made a run for it and Aiba hopped off, replacing the chain and locking them in. With a satisfied grin, he walked back to the barn and met Yoko around the hay pile where they both collapsed. "Ta-da!" he announced.

"Not bad," Yoko commented, with a satisfied sigh. "Hey. Hey, Aiba?"

"What?"

"We just saved the entire zoo."

"Right? A loose rhino is a huge Code Red and we stopped it."

"This is worth at least three visits to the macaque jacuzzi."

Aiba nodded, wiping the sweat off of his face. Now that they had fixed everything, they could both take a break and relax in the barn until they cooled down. "The next time we get in trouble, we should tell them about this."

"The next time?" Yoko answered. "Thanks to this we'll never get in trouble again."

"Oh really?" a third voice asked. "Because I beg to differ."

Aiba and Yoko turned around to see an extremely displeased Higashiyama looking down at them. "Aiba, can you explain why I've come back to a barn full of unstacked hay, two junior keepers lying around in their underwear, and two of my rhinos who aren't supposed to be having sex having sex?"

Higashiyama's radio blared out with a maniacal laughter. _"Got him!"_ cried Nagase's voice.

 _"Good for you, mighty hunter,"_ Mabo dryly replied.

 _"That emu never had a chance! Let's haul it back to its pen before it wakes up. Toma, do you have a new lock f-"_

Higashiyama turned the volume down.

"An emu?" Yoko whispered, muttering. "They spent all morning after an emu? How'd they lose track of an emu?!"

"I should have known, that emu gets out three times a month," Aiba whispered back. He smiled. "You were right, it wasn't a kangaroo!"

Higashiyama cleared his throat to regain their attention. "Perhaps you'd rather discuss just how exactly you two plan to separate Uume from Matiti."

Aiba couldn't help it. He knew better. He knew that of all times, now was as inappropriate as it could get. And if he wasn't in trouble enough, this would surely seal his doom. But he was soaked to the core from sweat and loopy from the sun. Regardless of knowing better, all he could do was giggle in response. When the pair of rhinos had first arrived, they were identified by serial numbers. It had been Higashiyama's idea that the zoo give them new names. One weekend and an internet search of certain anatomical Swahili terms later, the two were christened Uume and Matiti.

Yoko beside him started cackling too. At least they'd be together in whatever punishment Higashiyama planned for them.

The senior keeper sighed. "I never should have let you name them."


End file.
